The Key to Success
Did your parents, or teachers ever tell you the old saw about “It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you play the game”?
So, I just have to wonder…when did we forget that when we became adults?
I look at the people around me, counting their cash, looking at what other people have - and I wonder…when did it become all about “winning”? When did it become the right thing to do to “get the most stuff”? When did the joke about “he who dies with the most toys, wins” become a lifestyle?
I want you to stop for a moment - look at the people around you for a second. Are they happy with what they are doing? How they are working? Does it give them pleasure or fulfillment? What about you? Are you happy or fulfilled with what you are doing?
If you aren’t, well…WHY NOT?? Why aren’t you doing what is fulfilling to you? Is it too much of a risk? Or are your dreams not anchored in reality?
Personally, most people I have come across have some very practical dreams. They want to be a writer, or an artist. They want to build things or in some other way leave their mark. Well then, why aren’t they?
Ok…so maybe these things aren’t your dreams. Maybe you are a whiz at accounting, and numbers make you all soft inside. Maybe you are the kind of person who gives their all and then some and wants to be a firefighter or part of law enforcement. Perhaps customer service is your life.
But do you know what is really the most important issue? Are you happy? Not are you making enough money to be happy - but specifically are you happy doing what you are doing? I don’t care if you are a janitor, a receptionist, or a high-level CEO - if you are happy at what you are doing, you have found the key to success. If you aren’t happy, what is really wrong?
I want you to sit down and actually think about your life. Even if you aren’t the kind of person who makes lists, write out a list of what you like about your life and a list of what you don’t like about your life. Put the “like” list away for now, and focus on the “don’t like” list. Out of the things you listed on your “don’t like” list, what items are within your control - things that you can change.
For example, here is an imaginary list:
- Job is unchallenging
- Spouse is cranky
- Children are uncontrollable.
- Boss is rude and mean.
If we look this over, you cannot really change your boss. You can hope he or she will change, but some people are addicted to their negative personality traits - they just have to learn and change for themselves. If, however, there are other issues involved in the rudeness (such as sexual harassment, verbal abuse, etc.), there are ways of dealing with this issue as well. The first step is ALWAYS to make sure that someone in the command structure above the boss is made aware of the harassment or abuse. If there is no command structure above him or her, document the issue. Try to find ways to have people witness it. And talk to a lawyer! Don’t put up with real abuse. But before you take that step, make sure that it is real abuse - not just your perception of the issue. Your boss may not know you are misunderstanding him or her - let them know how you feel. If they fire you - you may have a case right there.
However, the other three issues are changeable. Why is your spouse cranky? Have you asked him or her to discuss whatever issue is bothering them? If they won’t, ask them why? Are there trust issues that have not been dealt with or communicated? Are you treating them with the love and care you promised in your vows? If not…deal with those issues and see if the relationship gets better.
As for the children - why are they uncontrollable? What are your expectations of them? What limits have you set for them, and are they respecting those limits? If not, why not? What are the consequences of disregarding the limits? I’m not going to get into a discussion of physical punishment vs. non-physical here, but I will say one thing. If you are not giving your child a consequence for disregarding the rules - no matter what that consequence entails, you are not doing your children any favors. There are limits in the adult world, and consequences from passing those limits. Unless they learn that their actions have consequences now, they won’t learn that lesson as adults!
Last, but certainly not least - the job is unchallenging. Ok, why is it unchallenging? Is it because you are not actually paying attention to the job and just going through the motions? Or is it simply that the job is not something you can be passionate about?
If the issue is the first, well, then you have some work to do. Get off your rear end and actually pay attention to the job at hand. See where you could make the job better. Take some initiative! Who knows, you might even come up with an innovation for your position that revolutionizes the entire industry!
If it is the latter issue - the lack of passion - then why in the heck are you still working there? If you know you cannot be passionate about the job, find something else for goodness sake! Don’t quit immediately, but start looking around for what you can do! If you need to go back to school for some things, then do so! But while you are going to school, start seeing if you can apply for internships, or training programs. Network with people in the field and see if you can develop a mentor!
My last piece of advice. Don’t just sit on your duff and wait for someone else to fix your life. It ain’t gonna happen! Mom can’t kiss this boo-boo and make it better - only YOU can. If you make the choice to do nothing - you have only you to blame.